


Lost Souls

by QueenoftheHobbits



Series: Soft Thighs Series [25]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Soulmate AU, but super duper fun, if you want more let me know?, overweight reader, plus size reader, soulmate aus are new to me in terms of writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-24 13:39:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7510483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenoftheHobbits/pseuds/QueenoftheHobbits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soulmate AU: You’re both lost souls, you and Bucky, you’re both searching for that other part and at the same time terrified to find them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost Souls

You knew about Soulmates before you could even walk properly, supposedly everyone had a soulmate, someone they had an instant connection with, someone who was supposed to make your life brighter than anything and love you better than anyone else could. It didn’t mean that everyone found theirs or that when they did it would work out either. You’d seen people on the street reject their soulmate the moment they met. But your soulmate, whoever they were, was supposed to be the one person who clicked with you on the most intimate of levels, who made you feel content and no longer restless...so why were you so goddamn scared, why had you always been so scared of meeting them? The answer you feared that rejection with everything in your soul. You’d seen the way it broke people, the way they collapsed on the ground, the way their hearts shattered. It was more than just a normal rejection; it was the deepest and most hurtful one of all and you felt that you were the type of woman that a man would reject. 

You were fat; large arms, big hips, stretch marks that covered your skin, soft stomach, double chin, round cheeks...everything about you was bigger than most of your friends’ and growing up rejection from your peers had been rife. You were called names, pushed about, put down time and time again. You were made to feel undesirable, unlovable, and while that had improved over time and you had become more comfortable in your body as you grew into your adult years...it didn’t mean you didn’t fear the rejection of your soulmate, the rejection that you felt would come because so many others had done the same to you in the past. So why wouldn’t your soulmate? Who would want to be bound to you for the rest of their life? 

And yet not even a few minutes away from you James Buchanan Barnes felt the same. Soulmates had been everything when he was young, sure he fooled around, most people did, but everyone wanted to meet their soulmate, everyone knew that non-soulmate relations were a no strings attached type of deal...but he’d seen the falling faces of young women and men when their soulmate looked on in disgust, he’d seen the tears and the pain...and he’d seen the good stuff too. But that idea of rejection always stuck in his head, even now. Now he’d done so many terrible things, now he was littered in scars, now his arm stood out amongst everyone else’s, now he woke in a sweat, now he tried to exercise to get the pain out, now he was trying so hard to be the opposite of what he was for years. He was everything anyone would reject. He had killed, he had hurt, he had done terrible things...and why would a stranger be accepting of that? Soulmate or not most wouldn’t be accepting of that. So he was terrified every day, terrified that if his soulmate was still out there, still alive, that they’d find him, that they’d hate him...that he’d feel his heart break again. He had the sneaking suspicion that some of the things he’d been through couldn’t compare to the feeling of being pushed aside by the one person who was supposed to love him. Especially after everything...he wasn’t sure he could cope with that on top of everything else. So he kept his head down, avoided people...he was utterly terrified.

It never crossed either of your minds that perhaps your soulmate felt the same way, perhaps they were just as utterly terrified of being rejected for everything people had told them was unacceptable and bad about them. You were both lost souls drifting out to sea and not even realising that you were drifting closer and closer together, because not all lost souls are really ever lost, they’re simply wandering to where they need to go. 

Finding your soulmate was always something you were told you’d just know when you did. Your mother always said that it was a feeling you got, a locking of eyes, an inability to deny the strongest connection you’d ever felt. There was nothing physical, nothing to show for it but a feeling. But you would always know, the world would seem brighter, your focus would be taken completely. Or at least that’s what you’d been told, and it made you even more scared, that even despite that someone could still not want you, despite the undeniable connection, despite everything they could still not want you.

So you went about your days in mild fear, but tried not to dwell, tried not to think how any one of the passersby could be your soulmate. You’d in fact been walking home from getting your food shopping, your arms literally laden with bags to the point that you really wished you had a wagon or cart or something because you weren’t that strong and you hated the way people looked at you when you struggled to carry your shopping down the street. Rather than them simply thinking you had a lot of shopping, you always felt like it was them judging you for your size and thinking that had you been smaller you’d struggle less...which if they were thinking that that would be absolute bullshit. Nonetheless you didn’t have a cart or anything, so you were stuck walking down the street with your food shopping hoping to get it home before your ice-cream melted and your chips defrosted. 

That seemingly wasn’t on the agenda, fate seemed to have another idea for you as some asshole barged past you, their shoulder colliding with your own. You tripped, you and your shopping falling to the ground. You sat there for a few moments, hands reaching towards your knee that had collided with the ground, food scattered around, and your eggs most definitely broken...and you wanted to cry. You didn’t expect anyone to help. You definitely hadn’t expected him to help. 

The moment Bucky saw you fall there was this undeniable pull and despite the fear he felt, that deep recognition of who you were, he couldn’t stop himself from stepping forward and crouching down beside you. His hands worked carefully to pull your shopping back in the bags, your eyes lingered on this large man, the pain in your knee almost forgotten. He was so gentle despite his obvious size...and boy was he large, thick muscle, everything about him was large...and yet he seemed so careful, so gentle, even with that glinting metal prosthetic. 

The moment he was done rebagging your shopping he looked up, blue eyes caught your own and it felt like the breath was knocked out of you. He was so...he was everything, you finally understood what your mother meant by that feeling. That pull that had your breath stopping and your heart racing, that had your toes curling, your fingers itching to intertwine with his own. And then he spoke and it was the most beautiful sound you’d ever heard.

“Are you okay?” And you couldn’t even speak. It worried Bucky, this beautiful, beautiful women, who he knew...he absolutely _knew_ was his soulmate was just staring at him, scrape on your knee long forgotten. You were so...everything, everything he needed and that fear lurched back up again. The fear that this silence was because you didn’t want him. 

“H...hi...” God, you wanted him. You wanted him to hold you at night. Wanted him to sit and watch terrible TV shows with you. Wanted to walk with him on your arm to those stupid family gatherings where mostly everyone had found their soulmate. You wanted him. Everything, the good, the bad, the painful. All of it. 

“I’m...i’m Bucky.” 

“I know...I’m Y/N” And you did, you’d heard about this man, the things he’d done and the things he was now trying to make up for. You never understood why his story hurt your heart so much until that moment. Because he was your soulmate and the fact that he’d been through all that was something you hated with your very being, you wanted to erase it all, make the pain go away. 

The two of you sat and crouched there for a moment. What possibly could you say? _‘Hi, i’m your soulmate please love me._ ’? Nothing seemed right to say, but it was like both of you knew, there was no disgust on his face only awe, there was no terror on yours only joy...and it was so apparent that you were all the other wanted. That you’d finally come together after years of wandering and that the last thing you wanted was for each other to simply walk away and never be seen again. 

You spoke first, letting him help you up off the ground, your hands shaking as they touched his arm...touching him felt right, not some terrifying spark or heat or anything, but just right. “I...um, would you...would you like to have lunch with me?” You bit your lip, your hand withdrawing from his arm. Bucky didn’t want your hand to leave his arm. He felt shaky as a new born lamb, like he’d been the one knocked over onto the pavement, not you...how could someone be so...so beautiful? So amazing? 

“Sure” To you he sounded calm, collected, far too cool for the situation, to himself? He was pretty sure he sounded like he was choking on a peanut...either way his words were all you wanted to hear and it made those fears of rejection seem so so incredibly stupid and insignificant next to him. It was like coming home, and you couldn’t be happier than in that moment. 


End file.
